piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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