1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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