is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
