My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
