Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
