Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
