Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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