God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
