okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
