We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
