you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
