That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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