East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize