I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize