Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
