i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
