Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
