Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
