I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
