I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
