my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
