Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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