forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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