Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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