I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
