you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
