If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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