I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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