Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Holy sore nipples Batman
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
