Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
