words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
