dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
