I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
