i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
