Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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