Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
