I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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