I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
