Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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