No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
