You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
