I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
