Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
