im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
