Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
