Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
