I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
