Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
