I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
