happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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