there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize