maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
