i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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