I'm so fucking centered right now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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