You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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