The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
