i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
