Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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