I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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