What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
