Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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