Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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