would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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