The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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