you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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