Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
