So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize