No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
