I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
