apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
