i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
