your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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