I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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